Since sometime, I have been a little depressed.  Now I am better, although not totally, I mooved from country to country, I am living a different kind of life than the one I use to live and I have lost my spiritual existance in the way I used to have it, all these experiences have created a profound pain in my soul.  The pain is still there, but I don't blame God anymore, the pain remains, I think that I am growing a lot from my own experiences.  Now thanks to this path with God I have understood that my spiritual consciouss has the age of a 7 years old kid, to whom this father just released his hand to see what he does and I have felt that he left me, without realizing that it was me who left him and I found myself alone.  I think he has allways been with me, looking at me, observing me, waiting for my reaction, and just like a 7 years old kid I have kryed and screamed searching for him everywhere without finding him, he is hiding, so that I can realize by myself that I should not release his hand.  But just like that kid, also when I find that hand again I realized that my security is right there, though I am still in an unknown place, of my own consciousness, as well as of my physical location.  Changes are allways dramatic, stressing and they also allow you to grow.  I have found out how much I have grow, but I realize also that I have to grow more, my spiritual age is still the one of a 7 years old kid, sometimes even like the one of an adolescent and there is a lot I have to go through to be an adult.  I also understand that my psychological age or mental is more adult than my real age, but this also does not allow me to get a better spiritual grought, because as much as psychological adulthood you reach, it is harder to grow spiritually if you do not search for your real self, it is harder to let go in your spiritual self because you get to be the owner of yourself and it means selfishness because the mental or psychological consciousness are based in the knowledge of ourselves and it also means an oposition to the LET IT BE which demands from our spiritual consciousness a let it go in God 100%, because in this way one trust ourselves more than in him even if you don't want this to hapen.
Finally my physical consciousness is in between these two consciousness, because it understands them both and also understands that it must be responsible of itself, eat well, respect its sleep times, exercise, etc. in order to allow your body be the receptacle of all which is learning and understanding, but in this bable of what you can reach out, your hands are stretched and you get tired.  Sometimes I am an old woman, some other times I am very, very old.

Lord take away my age, just embrace me.