Today after reading the liturgy of the hours I went to thank the priest for a little favour he did to me.  I was really thankfull and I offered my hand, but he just looked at me and said:  you are wellcome.  He did not holded my hand in return.
Then I went to my place for mass and I tried to pray, but I could not.  These kind of thaughts came to my mind:  What is it Lord that I care about the human acceptance?  Why do I expect anything in return from humans?  I have you and that should be enough!!
Yet, I need others acceptance, I need a smile, etc.
Then, on thinking about it, I started to think about people who had disappointed me and I started to ask God:
-If I am the way I am, no matter what? would you still love me?
-Would you love me even if I am not perfect?
-Would you be there for me, even if I am late?
-Would you forgive me if I make mistakes?
-If I offer my hand.  Would you take it?
-Would you see through my heart and see that I don't hide anything to you?  
-Would you really see me, the real me?
-Will you be judgemental with my actions?
-Are you going to be prepared for me to fail?
-And even if I do.  would you forgive me?
-Will you point at me with your finger pointing out all the things I have done wrong?
-Are you still going to love me if I smoke?
-Are you going to be my real friend, without expecting anything from me?
-Can I stop being defensive in my relationship with you, as I am in my relationship with others?
-Are you the one who will love me totally, completelly without judgements, expectations, regrets, abnormalities, tension, demands, etc.? then will you hold me like a baby and tell me, it is ok, it is ok?  Can I cry in your shoulder? and will you clean my tears of loneliness, shyness, sorrow, sadness, fear, anger, etc.?

Tears came to my eyes, and I felt calmed, and loved.  You Lord, yes, you are the ONLY ONE who loves me the way I need to be loved.  Allow me to love you back just a little in the way you do......
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